


Serene

by wingeddeanmon



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Blood Bond, Clueless Castiel, Dead John Winchester, Domestic Violence, Dubcon Cuddling, Dubcon Kissing, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, FBI Agent Castiel, Homophobia, Implied Top Dean, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Just blame everything on John, Lawyer Sam Winchester, M/M, Manipulation, Mental Coercion, Mental Instability, Minor Character Death, Murder, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Child Abuse, Police Officer Gabriel (Supernatural), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Serial Killer Dean Winchester, Serial Killer John Winchester, Vigilante Dean Winchester, implied bottom Cas, very dubcon for many reasons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-17 12:51:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12366171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingeddeanmon/pseuds/wingeddeanmon
Summary: FBI agent Castiel Novak found the man of his dreams, his soul mate, the one and only Dean Winchester. He's the whole package: smart, handsome, and a southern gentleman. Oh, and he happens to have the darkest blood of anyone Castiel has ever seen and he may or may not be the serial killer that Castiel has been chasing his whole career. But love conquers all… doesn't it?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still not quite sure of the full course of the story so the tags may change. If it does, I'll make a note of it because this fic does contain sensitive content. There isn't explicit noncon, I used that warning because this fix will reference it a lot and Dean's relationship with Cas involves some dubcon.
> 
> Thank you to maliciouslycreative for listening to my ramblings and giving me ideas and encouragement.

Dean never meant to actually run into Castiel. Sure, he knew they were soul mates, but that was dangerous. It was too much of a risk, especially since Sammy found Gabriel. And of course his soul mate just had to be a cop. Dean spent so much of his life learning how to keep them away, then Gabriel had to come along and ruin it. Sam, of course, thought that Dean had stopped hunting years ago. Gabriel being involved definitely did complicate things, and he and Sam were soul mates, so Sam was definitely going to do everything in his power to get Gabriel to stay with him.

Of course, the soul mate system isn't always reliable. It still comes down to whether or not the people who are bonded chose to put something into a relationship. There's still the chance that after their initial rush of meeting, they'll one day wake up feeling disconnected or simply there's someone else in their life. Some people don't get them at all, and others are slightly modified. New bonds were formed every day and old ones were broken, as painful at that process can be. From the moment someone is born, they can hear their soul mate’s heartbeat. Cutting that link off can be devastating, but life saving as well.

Then there's also the blood. Everyone gets clear blood as they start out, and naturally it gets darker as they grow and mature. But other things can change it too. There are also things that can happen that can darken it further. Dean soon learned that the darkest Castiel has ever seen was a dark cherry, almost black. The man who it came out of was the worst serial killer Castiel ever faced. He can still remember seeing it after the man made sure he would never go to prison. There were laws set up to make sure no one was unfairly prosecuted, but no one really followed it. A self righteous jury gave quick, harsh convictions regardless of the laws in place. Even in his own career, Castiel had to continue with an investigation based on a trick to draw a drop of blood or two. He was just thankful that he had someone he could trust to come home too at the end of an especially rough day.

And Dean? Oh, Dean had never intended for any of that to happen. The first time he saw special agent Castiel Novak of the FBI, he was running away from him. Well, not running, because he was keeping an eye on them and the crime scene. He was always curious about where and when the FBI would get involved and if they'd figure out what and if anything was connected. There was a new agent but Dean hadn't been able to catch a glimpse of him yet. So he staked out the spot from the moment someone discovered the body and called the police who rushed to the scene to when a large, black SUV pulled in. Dean sat up with interest which quickly perked up when he saw a slim Caucasian man with dark brown hair step out. This was the new agent that Dean had never seen. And they definitely picked well.

The brunette was careful, calculating, paying attention to every detail and soaking everything up. He looked like he was involved in the game for a while now, and Dean absent-mindedly wondered why he never saw him before. A dazzling set of pretty blue eyes pulled Dean in and he felt an itch under his skin he hadn't felt in a long time. He'd definitely have to keep an eye on him. There was blood rushing in his ears and he felt an instant pull on his heart to get closer and closer to him. So Dean the only thing he knew how to do: he packed up his things and left.

The second time he saw Castiel, it was completely coincidental. Dean was furious. There was no room for error, and an accident like that would mean he would end up in the electric chair. His newest case landed him in Castiel’s home base. Instead of taking careful time to research it, he rushed into town figuring it would be open and shut. Of course he ran into Castiel when he was fleeing the crime scene. When he bumped shoulders with Castiel, he was even carrying a bag of his equipment. Luckily, it wasn't on their radar yet but it soon would be. Caught off guard, the well seasoned hunter quickly became flustered. His blood roared in his ears and he could feel his heart start to flutter.

Castiel did a double take, staring at Dean for a moment in disbelief and at that moment, they were both sure they were feeling the same thing, the same pull. They both kept eye contact for a while, waiting taking in the other and waiting for him to say something. Castiel’s phone started ringing and he answered it immediately, undoubtedly about the recent murder. The thought caused Dean to start getting twitchy, something he never did anymore because he learned how to repress it. Getting twitchy meant you started getting sloppy and getting sloppy meant making mistakes and making mistakes meant the chair.

When Castiel hung up, Dean stood up a little straighter. He received a quick kiss on the lips from the other man who then grabbed his arm and wrote his phone number on it, apologizing that he had to go so soon. Dean knew he was sincere and just nodded along, having trouble believing his luck. As soon as they met, Castiel was gone and Dean quickly got to his car, hopped in, and drove away, Castiel’s number on his arm.

The rest of the night was uniform and scripted. He cleaned up and got rid of anything that connected him to the murder. It was routine for him after the years he's invested into his own craft. He easily slipped into his new job, and by morning, he had left town, his soul mate’s phone number still on his arm.

Three days later, he called him.

A day later, he found himself driving eight hours to see him again.

One week later, he was looking for apartments in the area.

He wouldn't admit it to anyone, but Dean might have enjoyed the stability that Castiel offered, even if he often did jet off to another part of the country. The space gave Dean the room to continue with his hunting, and it was just a bonus that Sam lived nearby so he could always keep an eye on him. If he ever wanted Castiel to come home early, he could always find a way to make that happen.

It was a year into the relationship before Dean finally told Castiel the truth. Well, part of the truth. They were sitting on the couch, the TV on in the background as they made out hot and heavy. They were talking about a strain of cold cases from the 80s that Castiel knew were connected. Dean, of course, recognized them and to change the subject, he started kissing Castiel’s neck, then his jaw, then his lips. Castiel kept babbling on and on but Dean wasn't paying attention and planned on getting Castiel that way as well. When nothing changed, he looked up at him and listened to him recall the small details anyone else would have forgotten. It was both his favorite and least favorite of Castiel's qualities.

“Yeah, they're connected,” Dean said, causing Castiel to give a slight smile, probably proud of his new theory. “My dad did all of those.”

Everything in the room seemed to shift all at once. Castiel immediately pulled back and was now watching Dean carefully, like he was unsure of what he might do next. The thought made something in Dean ache a little bit. He straightened himself out, giving Castiel the other end of the couch so they had room between them.

“Remember the anonymous tip left by a teenage boy that almost led to the killer's arrest?” Dean asked, trying to get him to switch into an empathetic state of mind. “That was me. I walked an hour to get to the gas station I called from, but something tipped Dad off and he grabbed me and Sam and hauled ass out of there. He kept bitching about how we had at least another day and he wanted to take a vacation and that he lost his best hammer.”

Castiel was quiet but he made and held eye contact with Dean. He could see his eyes darting back and forth, searching for something in them, but he found nothing. The details were too accurate for it to be a lie and he knew Dean wasn't one to snoop in his boyfriend’s things.

“You know it fits,” Dean said. “Remember how his son came forward after he died? That was me. I was already emancipated so I got full custody of Sam, but I was still young enough that they couldn't put my name in the files. He did most of the cases you're talking about too.”

There was an almost unbearable stretch of silence before Castiel shot forward and kissed Dean roughly. He grunted in surprise and before he could respond to it, Castiel was cradling his head and kissing his face. “I'm sorry, Dean, I'm so sorry…”

Well this was definitely something Dean wasn't expecting. He expected disgust, maybe even rage given Castiel’s line of work. It wouldn't be an easy thing to find out that your boyfriend had a part in a case you put most of your career into. Still a littke surprised and confused, Dean had to pull him off and hold him at arm’s length so he could get a bearing on the situation.

“Why aren't you pissed right now?” Dean asked, raising an eyebrow.

Saying that only cased Castiel to hug him and start the whole thing over again, confusing the hell out of Dean.

“Dean, Dean, I can't be mad at you for that,” he said. “It's not your fault. None of it was your fault.”

Dean rolled his eyes and shook his head. Oh, if only he knew.

“Stop doing that.” Castiel said sternly, grabbing Dean’s attention. “Stop blaming yourself for things you can't control. You were a child, and you still came forward. What you must have went through…”

“You can't tell anyone,” Dean said suddenly. “I don't care who asks, this stays between us.”

There was another pause before Castiel was nodding along to Dean’s request.

“Okay,” he said. “I won't tell anyone. This stays between the two of us.”

\-----

The moment he stepped into the door, Castiel could sense that something was off. The smell of peppers and meat cooking on the stove overtook his senses and he guessed that Dean was preparing something special for their anniversary. As he walked through their home, he noticed that things were of place. Some of the pictures were hanging crooked on the wall and some were missing all together. He quickly overlooked this when he spotted a vase with a small bouquet of roses and he smiled, picking up his pace to get to Dean faster. Hearing that Castiel was in the room, he turned and swept him up in his arms. Castiel immediately wrapped his arms around the back of his head, pulling him closer and Dean kissed every inch of his skin that was within reach. 

Eventually Dean ended his more than enthusiast greeting and resumed with making dinner. The table was carefully set and everything precisely put into its place. Castiel hummed and did a few things here and there, knowing Dean was planning something but he wasn't quite sure what. Dean kept fiddling with something in his pocket and suddenly Castiel knew what was coming. He saw the box in Dean’s underwear drawer weeks ago and they had discussed marriage more than a handful of times.

He was always the romantic and took a certain possessive joy in showing as many strangers as he could that he and Castiel were together, so he was more than happy that Dean chose to propose in private. He didn't even bat an eye when Dean slid off his chair and got down on one knee to propose, a long speech already prepared.

Castiel just rolled his eyes and informed Dean that while yes, he would marry him, they were both much too old for grand romantic gestures so the nice dinner he prepared was just fine with him. Of course Dean would still go the whole nine yards in his own special way. He was Dean fucking Winchester and he didn't half ass anything, especially not when he was doing something for his soul mate.

Castiel Winchester. That's one name he'll have to get used to.


	2. Chapter 2

It was Thursday night and Castiel had just gotten back in town. Dean was in the kitchen preparing a large dinner for both of them.

“It's date night, Cas,” he insisted. “You're back just in time for it so we gotta go big.”

The response made Castiel roll his eyes but Dean sounded so happy that he couldn't say no to him. They settled into the normal routine of Castiel researching the case he was working on and Dean preparing dinner. A pained noise caused Castiel to rush into the kitchen. Dean was holding a towel on his hand and Castiel started moving closer. Dean immediately shifted to block him, but Castiel quickly maneuvered around him, trying to see his hand. Dean, stubborn as he was, tried to move away again and Castiel grabbed his arm to stop him. Blood was covering the towel but the color of it made Castiel’s breath catch in his throat. Dark, almost black blood covered it. They both froze for a moment, wanting to see what the other would do first.

“Cas, baby, I can explain,” Dean started to say.

He shook his head and backed away, feeling his panic start to rise. Dean looked hurt and stepped forward, reaching out for him.

“I'll tell you later, promise, baby, but right now we need to get to a hospital so I can get stitches, okay?”

Something shifted and Castiel quickly nodded and started to help him to the car. Four hours later, they were back home and Dean was snoozing softly beside Castiel. He had gotten a total of three stitches in his middle finger. Castiel didn't know if it was medication they gave him or if he was actually upset that he'd have to wait to give someone the bird until after it healed.

Once Dean was settled in and asleep, Castiel quietly laid awake, thinking about everything that had happened that night. He only knew bits and pieces about Dean’s past and he never pushed him too hard on it because he knew that would lead to Dean shutting him out or storming off. He'd always apologize to him and bring home flowers, but it didn't do much to append his reaction or that he knew little information about Dean’s past. That coupled with the color of Dean’s blood…

The blood was the most unsettling thing to him. Even with John Winchester as his father, it shouldn't have turned out that way. Unless he was more involved than he said he was. But that was ridiculous, wasn't it? A few cases indicated that it was a team, but it would have been almost impossible for a boy to help move a body, even if that boy was trained from a young age, not to mention that Dean would be showing the aftereffects of that trauma, and he knew Dean didn't have the knowledge or capability to hide something like that.

He kept turning possibilities over in his mind, unable to stop himself from doing so. There was one thing he knew for sure, however. As soon as Dean woke up, Castiel had to talk to him. Needless to say, Castiel didn't get much sleep that night.

\-----

Soft daylight streamed in through the curtains. Groaning, Dean rolled over, almost on top of Castiel. He tossed an arm across his chest and a leg over his as well. Castiel made a groan of his own and pushed him off, not wanting to stay in bed with him any longer. Taking a cold shower should help clear his mind and wake him up, and hopefully it wouldn't wake Dean either.

He avoided Dean for the rest of the day, something that was easy enough because Dean slept for most of it. He usually did the day after Castiel got home, but they also usually spent the day in bed together. As much as he tried to ignore it, something deep down inside of him knew something was wrong. Everything screamed that he shouldn't trust Dean, that what was wrong was Dean, but Castiel just couldn't leave him. They were soul mates, and he never saw that anything other sign that something wasn't how it should be.

Luckily for him, he got a phone call for a case. It was right outside of town so he didn't have to go far, but it gave him an excuse to get out of the house and he welcomed it as a chance to have something to occupy his mind. After Dean’s insistence, he accepted the job. It was almost two weeks before Dean finally cornered him so they could talk.

“I know you're freaking out,” Dean said when Castiel was preparing dinner.

He just got an eye roll so Dean moved behind Castiel, placing his hands on the counter on either side of him and effectively trapping him.

“We have to talk, you know that,” Dean said and kissed his neck. “You've been avoiding me.”

Castiel shivered and denied it, earning a small nip from Dean.

“Don't lie,” he said. “Tell me the truth.”

“What did you do?” Castiel asked. “You had to have done something.”

Dean smiled, glad Castiel said what was on his mind instead of just hiding it. He put his hands on his hips and turned him around so he was facing him and immediately stepped closer.

“What do you think I did?”

“I don't know… maybe you helped your father?”

Dean nodded and helped him sit up on the counter.

“I did,” Dean said. “Kind of hard to turn something like that down.”

Castiel hummed a little bit and Dean moved between his legs, rubbing his thighs thoughtfully.

“You're taking this a lot better than I thought you would.”

“I've been thinking about it for a while,” Castiel said.

“And…?”

“And I decided that you were and child and you were in a vulnerable position so you did what your father expected of you.”

Dean hummed again and kissed Castiel quickly.

“I couldn't let him turn any of that stuff onto Sam, and when I got older, it got easier.”

Castiel nodded and cupped Dean’s face in his hands, rubbing his cheek bones with his thumbs.

“It's alright, Dean, I understand.”

They both stared at each other for a little bit, Castiel trying to be soothing and reassuring and Dean was watching him carefully to judge his reaction.

“Okay.” Dean said but he was still a little unsure. So we're good?”

Castiel smiled a little bit and nodded. “We're good.”

Eventually, Castiel spent more and more time working on the case. There was less tension around Dean and he stopped avoiding him. They were so close to catching the guy when he got an emergency call from Gabriel. The CEO of Morningstar Security was murdered in the parking lot and he was calling in a favor. Despite how much he liked the current case, he wasn't very needed and Gabriel seem distressed. He dropped everything and drove half an hour with no idea what was waiting for him.

The standard yellow tape was up and the body has long been removed from the crime scene. With a flash of his badge, Castiel easily got access to everything. Blood was on the ground despite everything being covered with rain. A few people buzzed around Castiel, trying to get pictures of everything and collect samples before the rain washed it all away. Castiel paused at the door when he saw a giant red cross spray painted over the door. Suddenly, he realized why Gabriel had called him.

With a quickened pace and some guidance from the police officers who were already there, Castiel made his way through the building and to the security room where Gabriel had been waiting, scowling at a small screen in a room that was strangely devoid of furniture. Castiel had a fleeting thought about why Gabriel was making that face.

“What do you know?” Castiel asked.

With a groan, Gabriel rubbed his face and gestured towards the screen that played on a loop of a man walking up to Lucas Morningstar and shooting him point-blank in the chest.

“The bastard must’ve broken in and erased the tape,” Gabriel growled. “Did you see the locks on the door? Everyone who works here said they were shoddy and that the cameras were glitchy anyway. What kind of security company doesn't have any kind of security for their own HQ?”

“We've worked with less,” Castiel reminded him.

“Yeah, but it was never your boy,” Gabriel said. “How long have you been after him? Six, seven year?”

“Eight.”

“Mmm. Don't know why you held out that long, Cassie.”

“You have to be more patient. It takes time to find a serial killer.”

Gabriel rolled his eyes at that.

“At least I don't have to spend all my time at a desk worrying over every little detail.”

They continued to bicker for some time before Gabriel was called away by someone on his team. Leaning against the desk, Castiel examined the footage again, trying to figure out where to start. He had no doubt that Gabriel’s team was already canvassing for any potential witnesses, but Castiel knew they wouldn't find any. There was always the same story. A large man in a black hoodie fled the scene and a strange, large black car was parked a three blocks away, sometimes two if it was a cold winter day. The best description they got was from a woman in Saint Louis who ran into him in her home. She claimed he looked like an underwear model but couldn't explain why.

Fifteen minutes passed and Gabriel still wasn't back yet. It might have been the small space or the fact that Castiel couldn't sit down, but Castiel couldn't stay there any longer. He quickly made his way back outside and looked around. Most of the crime scene was washed away by now, not that there was much to begin with. The killer they were dealing with was quick and efficient and never left any evidence behind.

A quick scan of the parking lot turned up nothing until Castiel caught a glimpse of a security camera on the building across the street. He looked around then quickly crossed the street and went into the building. After a quick chat with the staff, Castiel was sitting at a security desk looking at a TV screen playing last night’s footage. He held down the fast forward button until he found what he was looking for. A man in a black hoodie was rushing towards the street, and Castiel quickly hit the pause button, frowning when it played a little too far. He watched it again, slower time, pausing at an angle where he could see the killer’s face.

Suddenly, Castiel knew the woman described the killer as an underwear model. It was his fiancé and soul mate, Dean Winchester. Castiel felt a tightness in his chest he never felt before. He played through the video again, knowing he must have missed something. It couldn't be Dean, his Dean. Dean was too kind and caring. He wouldn't take someone else’s life if he wasn't under some kind of duress.

Hearing footsteps, he stood up straighter. Gabriel called out to him and Castiel felt his panic flare up again. He looked around and spotted a red erase button. Without hesitation, he pressed it and the footage of Dean was gone. With his heart pounding in his chest, Castiel stood up and straightened out his tie. 

When Gabriel came in, he said he didn't find anything and left quickly, going straight home. Once he got there, he just sat in the driveway, staring at the front door. Dean wouldn't be home for a few days, so Castiel could easily leave if he wanted to. He felt numb. The shock that Dean, his fiancé, his soul mate, was a serial killer. He'd so readily accepted that Dean had a hand in the murders John Winchester had committed but he hadn't stopped to think about how it would affect Dean outside of the trauma he would have experienced.

Castiel’s phone buzzed with a text from Dean, telling him that he'd be home early. After another pause, Castiel stood, grabbed his bag, and went inside.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to *try* to keep updating on Sundays, but life is hectic right now. I have intentions to finish this story, but I can't get the motivation or focus needed right now. I have most of the next two chapters figured out and the next is partially done but unedited and I hope to have it up next week.

Every couple has their own dance for when their significant other has been out of town for a few days. For some, it's the silent and happy acknowledgement that their partner is there, and for others they’re inseparable and all over each other. Thanks to Dean, they were the latter. He always craved attention from Castiel when they were apart and he was usually the one to initiate things. The house always seemed to be achingly empty and Castiel didn't know if Dean felt the same way about that or not.

Two days after Castiel discovered that Dean was the serial killer he had been hunting his whole career, Dean came home from a “job” out of town. Castiel had started to question everything about their relationship, falling apart again and again. There was no way for someone to handle something like this, and Castiel was stuck so he depended solely on his logic. Logically, he knew that a job out of town was probably another murder. He looked deeper into the cases and noticed small connections that were ignored or covered up. The victims each had bad track records, ranging from stealing from charity or assault and battery, but that still didn't change that someone had murdered them in cold blood. He and Dean had a trusting, communicative relationship and it was now ruined.

The locks on the front door turned and the door clicked open. There were heavy footsteps on the hardwood floor and a pause as Dean noticed that Castiel had gotten rid of the entryway rug. He and Dean had gotten it together for their new home. Castiel could no longer stand the sight of it.

“Honey, I'm home,” Dean called out and continued through the house.

Castiel didn't respond and focused on scrubbing the stove top, trying to get off a tough piece of burnt on cheese. Dean frowned a little when he saw Castiel’s lack of response. He went up behind him like he usually did, arms wrapping around his waist and head resting on his shoulder. He started to settle behind him and Castiel’s panic spiked again and he spun around and punched Dean in the nose, immediately causing him to pull away.

“Fucking hell, Cas!” He shouted as he grabbed his nose.

Castiel froze up for a moment, staring at him in stunned disbelief, then he quickly ran towards the door. With a snarl, Dean gave chase, quickly catching up. He pushed Castiel against the wall and held him there but was careful not to hurt him. They made eye contact, and they could both feel each other's hearts racing. Castiel was the first to break it and he cringed at the sight of the blood running down Dean’s face and onto his clothes.

“Before I do anything else, I'm gonna ask why the hell you did that,” Dean said, internally seething but he carefully kept his emotions in check. Castiel had a fleeting thought that this is what Dean's victims last saw. “I know you've been stressed and you've seen some shit so I'm gonna try to give you that. So what the fucking hell, Cas?”

“You're a fucking serial killer!” He screamed and tried to push him away. “You asshole, murder people, Dean!”

Dean held him fast, frowning at that. His face didn't change and he didn't deny it. That made Castiel start to fight harder.

“If you don't let me go, I swear to God, Dean…!”

Dean suddenly let go, obeying Castiel's wishes, but he quickly blocked the door so he could trap Castiel again if he tried to run.

“I'm not gonna lie to you, Cas,” he said, his voice dropping dangerously low. Castiel had only heard that voice a small handful of times and it always put him on edge. “I know you're still here because you want to be. I told you exactly where I was, I never, never, lied to you, and if you wanted me gone, you would have called the cops by now.”

Castiel didn't say anything, watching Dean carefully.

“Why aren't you doing anything?” He asked him. “Why didn't you call the cops?” When Castiel didn't answer, Dean pressed again. “Castiel. Answer me. I'm not in handcuffs right now and I don't think I will be tonight unless it's attached to our headboard.”

“I don't know!” Castiel shouted. “I don't know! I know I should have turned you in the second I found out. You kill people, for God’s sake…”

Dean stepped closer and ran his fingers on Castiel’s cheek.

“It's because you know I'm not a bad person,” Dean said softly. “You know I only go after guys that deserve it, the ones that can throw some money at a judge and get off free.”

“That doesn't mean you can just kill someone,” Castiel said and crossed his arms over his chest.

The action was so damn cute it would have made Dean smiled if the anger and distrust on his face didn't hurt like hell. Instead, he just rolled his eyes at the action and made a promise to kiss that look away.

“I know you don't believe in the whole laws set the morals thing because you're not that much of a heartless bastard.”

“And apparently you are.”

He gave Castiel a wounded look for a second but he quickly brushed it off and stood up straighter.

“Morningstar recently had a restraining order taken out on him by his son,” Dean said. “His wife died 10 years ago in suspicious circumstances and he was cleared, but he obviously wasn't innocent. A woman that's finally leaving her dickbag of a husband doesn't just accidentally swerve off the road and into a lake.”

Castiel shook his head. “That still doesn't make it right.”

“No, it doesn't.”

After another short session of eye contact, Dean always used it to calm him down, Castiel carefully stepped forward and hugged Dean who quickly wound his arms around him in a tight embrace.

“I love you,” Dean said softly.

“I love you too…”

“‘Til death do us part, right?” Dean said with a grin.

Castiel shoved his chest and rolled his eyes as Dean chuckled at his own joke.

“What, I'm funny!”

“No, you're not.”

“I am!”

“No, Dean, you're really not.”

"Okay, but have I ever told you about the bodies?"

\---

The next morning, Dean got up early to make Castiel an apology breakfast. It wasn't like he could sleep for very long anyway. He slept on the couch so Castiel could have some space. His face still hurt to hell and his nose was bruised and swollen, but nothing was broken and it was kind of hot that his fiancé could throw a mean right hook. Dean got up early to make breakfast and he paid attention to each detail, wanting everything to be perfect. He even dug out a tray to set the food on so he could have breakfast in bed. It's not it would make up for being a serial killer, but seeing as Castiel hadn't kicked him out or packed a bag, he figured that they were still in the green.

Making sure he made enough noise, Dean took the breakfast upstairs to Castiel. He sat down next to him on the bed and set the tray carefully in his lap as Castiel sat up and rubbed his eyes. Dean smiled and happily kissed his cheek then sat back on the bed and watched him eat breakfast. The fact that he was eating something Dean served him lifted his spirits, and his mind started planning things for their day. Castiel tolerated the staring for a while then stopped and stared back at him, forcing Dean to look away.

“This doesn't change things,” Castiel said after a long stretch of silence.

Dean sighed softly and shook his head. “Yeah, I know.”

There was another long, awkward silence between them, and Dean chose to break it by leaning forward and placing a light kiss on Castiel’s lips.

“How did you find out?” Dean asked softly.

“Security cameras across the street,” he said.

“Damn. Thought they didn't have those.”

“They did, and they caught you.” Castiel paused for a little bit. “I erased the footage.”

Dean smiled and clapped him on the shoulder. “See, you're finally starting towards that life of crime!”

Castiel rolled his eyes and pushed the tray towards Dean.

“I'm still an FBI agent, Dean,” he said, deepening his voice in an attempt to be ta Ken seriously.

“Yeah, and you're going to marry someone like me,” Dean said and it was met by silence. “Wait. You are going to marry me still, aren't you?”

He didn't answer and Dean sat up straighter and moved closer to him. Desperate for some kind of response, Dean reached out him and tried to get Castiel to look at him.

“Cas, baby, sweetheart…”

“I don't know, yet, Dean,” Castiel said softly, not meeting his eye. “You lied to me. I'm questioning everything about our relationship.”

“I know,” Dean said. “I know. I'm sorry. But you know I couldn't have told you either. I wanted to, I really did. I hate keeping things from you.”

“Then don't keep things from me.”

“Baby, it isn't that easy…”

“Yes, it is,” he said. “I still need to think, but you can't lie to me. I want you to tell me everything.”

"I never-" Dean stopped himself, seeing Castiel's face. "Alright, baby, I won't.”

“You can't keep murdering people either,” he said, surprised by how calm he was about all of this. “I don't care if they did something or not, you have to stop.”

“Cas, baby…”

“No,” he said sternly. “I don't want to hear that. I'm 42, you're 39. I don't want to see you get killed.”

“I won't,” Dean said, rolling his eyes a little bit.

“Yes, you will! You're almost 40, you're too old for this shit!”

Castiel’s outburst quieted Dean who just stared blankly at him. He sighed and took a deep breath, trying to calm down again.

“Alright, I won't,” Dean said softly. “I'll stop. I can get a job somewhere to help with everything.”

“I don't care about that,” he said. “I care about you being safe.”

“I know what I'm doing, Cas.”

“I never said you didn't.”

Dean sighed and rubbed his face.

“I won't get caught because you already tell me everything,” Dean said slowly. “After our three month mark, you started talking to me about cases and you've always talked in your sleep so I knew where you were going with everything.”

The back of Castiel’s throat went dry and his heart started pounding in his chest. Sensing that, Dean stepped forward and cupped his face in his hands. Castiel recoiled and once more, his life shifted all over again. Dean stepped back and gave him space but he was ready to jump forward if it was needed. Of course that's how Dean never got caught. He divulged information on an active case to Dean and soul mate or not, he knew he had violated at least a dozen rules and laws. Their fairytale romance fell apart, and once again Castiel felt lost and alone.

Slowly, Dean got down on his knees in front of Castiel, and given no reason to pause, he moved forward and put his hands on Castiel’s hips and slowly, hesitantly rubbed them. He leaned forward and kissed Castiel’s stomach, just under his belly button and made him shiver, but his plan worked and he got his full attention once more.

“I know it'll take a lot for you to get over this, sweetheart,” Dean said. Castiel just made a disapproving noise so Dean continued. “You know, I can tell you about everything now. Your job is to think like a killer, and now you have one.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look an update! :o I'm going to try to get the next chapter up soon, and I think the story will have maybe 10 chapters? Thanks for those leaving comments and kudos, it means a lot and definitely helps with my motivation.

There were only a few things that Castiel knew about Dean’s childhood. Most of it was only bits and pieces, and there's still a lot of it that he doesn't know. What he does know, he only knows a few things about it.

Dean’s mother's name is Mary.

She died in a fire when he was four-years-old, and Dean will always feel partially responsible for a reason that Castiel doesn't know. With the information he now knew about John Winchester, he suspects that the fire that killed Mary and displaced the Winchesters wasn't an accident and was most likely started by John to covered up the murder of his wife.

Dean raised his brother Sam by himself.

Their father was mostly absent, leaving Dean to act as a parent to them both. John claimed to be working a few odd jobs here and there, something he now knows if false. As quickly as they came into town, they were whisked out of it which was the cause of the third thing Castiel knew about Dean.

Dean dropped out of high school when he was 16 and he later got a GED.

Even though he never got an explanation for it, Castiel knew it was because they moved around too much. He was surprised Sam did so well in school while Dean had potential of his own. Judging by how dismissive of his own accomplishments Dean is, it's probably another result of John’s parenting style.

Dean was 10 the first time he broke a bone.

Castiel still doesn't know how, but it was something else he suspects John for. When Dean told him, he casually mentioned it over dinner like it was nothing. When he tried to follow up on it, Dean quickly changed the subject again. That was one of the only ways Castiel could get Dean to talk about his childhood.

There were a few figures that he mentioned. The first person he fell in love with, the first guy he kissed, the few people his father would trust his children with if he was away for an extended period of time. Why John trusted them with his children Castiel had no idea. They could know about his… activities, or he could be hiding it from them as well.

As much as he hates to admit it, Dean was perfect for it. He's attractive and charming, and even Castiel was dazzled from their first meeting, soul mate or not. He could easily get someone to trust him, and he's seen how easily Dean can lie to get out of situations. Through all of it, he believed Dean was a good man, but now, he wasn't so sure. How good could someone be if he killed somebody? Dean would point out that Castiel had too, but that was only when he was pursuing a suspect and he had to. That was different. And damn, did Dean have a hold on his mind.

Dean loves pie.

His mother baked it for him whenever she and John had a fight. After a while, Dean started to use it to comfort himself, especially after she was gone. He continued this practice well into his adulthood, and despite his best attempts at curbing it, Castiel hasn't been able to get him to stop.

Dean has a wide assortment of knives and guns.

He always took pride in his collection and cleaned everything once a week like clockwork. Sunday for Castiel was waking up to the smell of freshly cooked eggs and burnt coffee. The eggs were always perfect and Castiel learned to avoid the coffee unless he made it himself. Dean always managed to choke down most of it himself, and Castiel gradually poured it down the drain so Dean wouldn't drink too much. Now that Castiel knew why Dean had all those weapons, he wonders which ones he actively used and which were for show.

Dean would come to bed smelling like gunpowder.

Many of Castiel’s past relationships had failed for this reason, and he was starting to see why. There was something unsettling about it, and when Dean slid into bed that night after being out of the house for five hours, he almost pushed him back out of it. Still, he didn't protest when Dean crawled on top of him and started kissing up and down his neck.

Lying next to him in bed, Castiel wide awake and Dean fast asleep, he didn't know what he felt. He loved Dean fiercely, that much hadn't changed. He let Dean come back into their room, but each time Dean tried a little more than heavy petting, he pushed him away. His trust was broken, and Dean would slowly have to earn it back. At least that was what he told himself. It was only so long before he couldn't resist Dean’s charm after all.

There was a shift in the mattress and Dean threw his arm across Castiel’s chest and tugged himself closer. He cuddled up close, pressing his groin against his leg. Castiel rolled his eyes and pushed against him, causing Dean to groan and try again, more persistently this time.

“Knock it off,” Castiel hissed.

Dean huffed and rolled over, but he grabbed Castiel’s wrist and tugged him along with him.He rolled his eyes and went along with i liek he usually did. They were slowly settling back into their routine, and Castiel found that reassuring. For the most part, Dean respected his boundaries, but he still gave a small push every so often when it was needed. Or when Dean thought that it was needed.

When they were quiet, lying together in bed, Castiel couldn't help but think of the things Dean must have done. His father took pleasure in violating his victims, but he doubted Dean did the same. John’s killings were about power and hate, while Dean’s were about revenge and his own sense of justice. There was a shift in the mattress as Dean moved off of Castiel completely and rested on his side.

“You're thinking too much again,” Dean said. “If you do that, it'll all fall apart.”

“That's because it doesn't make sense,” Castiel said a little flatly.

“But here you are.” Castiel rolled his eyes so Dean scooted closer to him before continuing. “Cas, if you're thinking, you've gotta talk. I need to know what's going on in that head of yours.”

“What do you think, Dean?” he snapped. “I found out the man that I'm engaged to-” Dean let out a small sigh of relief at that “-is the serial killer that I've been tracking my whole career!”

“Cas, baby, calm down…”

“No! I didn't know anything about that until I caught you on camera! And you weren't even wearing a mask, what the hell were you thinking, Dean? What if someone else caught you? You'd be sentenced to life if you were lucky and you would've been taken away from me!”

They were both surprised by the sudden outburst and looked at each other. Dean moved closer and gently touched Castiel’s face. They had both been surprised by his sudden flash of anger, however understandable.

“I can't wear a mask,” Dean said softly.

“Why the hell not?” Castiel asked. “It's dumb not to. You wear gloves, you make sure bullets can't be traced back to you, why not that?”

“I… it's a part of the code.”

“You're a serial killer, you don't have a goddamn code, Dean!”

“Yes, I do,” he said. “I don't mess with the bodies and I don't wear a mask.”

“You've burned bodies, Dean!”

“Yeah, but nothing other than that!”

Castiel pushed Dean away and quickly got off the bed. Dean quickly followed and blocked the door, causing Castiel to snort at him.

“Dean, move,” he said.

“Baby, just hear me out,” Dean said almost desperately.

“No, I'm done, move.”

To Castiel’s surprise, Dean did move out of the way. Castiel blinked in surprise then stood up a little straighter and grabbed a bag and started to pack it. There was no attempt at intervention and Dean just quietly stood there, watching him. Once he was satisfied with what was packed, Castiel picked up his bag and started toward the door. He glanced back at Dean, and paused a little bit. Everything seemed to steady, and he started paying attention to their heartbeats. His was fast but Dean’s was running a mile a minute, even though his face was emotionless.

Steeling himself, Castiel closed his eyes and took a deep breath before dropping the bag and stepping towards Dean. He pushed him up against the wall and kissed him roughly, all teeth and scratchy stubble. Dean made a surprised noise but he was quickly pushing back, trying to angle Castiel towards the bed. Castiel pushed back, kissing and shoving until Dean was lying on the bed. He quickly climbed on top of him, and, straddling him, he started kissing him again.

“Don't know what to do,” Castiel said and kept kissing him. “You make me so angry, Dean.”

He shifted downward and kissed Dean’s neck and jaw, making him shiver underneath him.

“Angry’s good,” Dean breathed. “Angry’s real good.”

Castiel pulled off momentarily but was still positioned on his lap, so close but so, so far that Dean thought he might die.

“But it's not,” Castiel said. “Not in a relationship.” 

He bent down and kissed Dean again, a little slower this time but he leaned too far into it and their teeth pressed together. Dean groaned softly and put his hands on the back of Castiel’s thighs, tugging him closer.

“I don't even know the people that helped raise you,” Castiel said and pulled off again, making Dean groan in a whole different way. “I don't even know their names.”

“You wouldn't know them, baby,” Dean said and started rubbing up and down Castiel’s thighs. “It doesn't matter.”

“Yes, it does,” he said but leaned back down to kiss Dean again anyway. “I wanna meet them…”

Before Dean could respond, Castiel started to kiss and nip his way down Dean’s neck. Skillful hands tugged open the buttons of his shirt, and with Castiel on top of his like this, squirming and needy, Dean could forget about all of his problems.

“God, Dean, I wanna meet them,” Castiel breathed, causing Dean to short circuit a little bit. “Dean, let me meet them.”

“Sure thing, Cas,” Dean groaned softly.

Castiel grinned and slid off, getting exactly what he wanted. He stood up and walked towards the bathroom.

“You're not the only one that gets what he wants,” Castiel said in a deep voice before he disappeared.

Dean sat up on the bed and blinked in surprise. Not that Castiel didn't know what to do to get Dean to sign off on certain things, but this was definitely out of character for him. When Castiel came back in, he plopped himself down on the bed and turned off the light. A quick kiss on Dean’s cheek and Castiel wrapped himself up in all of the covers.

“Blanket hog,” Dean mumbled as he turned off the light.

“Set a date,” Castiel said, making Dean jump a little. “I'll take off work.”

“You can do that?”

“It's a job, Dean, of course I can.”

Dean made a noise in the back of his throat and shifted closer to Castiel. Tentatively, he reached out and put a hand on Castiel’s hip. When he wasn't pushed away, he took that as a good sign and moved closer to him.

“I love you,” he said softly.

“I love you too."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I got this done a lot later than I hoped. I've been super busy lately, but I'm hoping to get back on a semi-regular posting schedule.

Meeting Dean's extended family went by in a blur. He was brought to a dive bar and hastily introduced to a few people whom he doesn't remember the names of which was probably Dean’s intention. The whole time, Dean acted jumpy and like he was ready to leave at a moment's notice. He constantly watched the door and was fidgeting through dinner to the point Castiel decided it better to just leave. Dean also didn't mention anything about it days later and avoided the topic anytime he sensed that Castiel was going to bring it up. Soon enough, their world buzzed by, and they fell back into their routine.

A few weeks later, Dean crept into their now shared room. It was just past one in the morning, and thud of Dean’s heavy work boots on the floor woke Castiel who instinctively tensed and became suddenly aware of everything going on around them. Dean was standing over the bed, quietly watching him. Normally, he would and rolled his eyes and made a comment about Dean liking the view, but now it just made him shiver and feel sick to his core. The next day, Castiel made arrangements to leave on a case. He knew he'd be gone for at least a week. Even though things in their relationship had settled down, they still drifted apart, both too scared of the growing ache they felt when the other wasn't there.

When Dean came crashing home, his car beat up, and his face not looking much better, something shifted again. It wasn't just that Castiel’s stomach twisted at all the possibilities of what happened, but seeing his big, strong Dean hurt just seemed so deeply wrong. So when Dean tossed him a bag and told him to pack, Castiel didn't hesitate.

Dean drive for a solid day, only stopping when needed but never for too long. He also took to wearing a baseball cap, most likely to protect his face from security cameras. He wasn't sure why Dean refused to wear a mask while he committed murders, but now something like that was fine, even second nature to him. Castiel would have to ask him about that. Three days in, Castiel was done with sleeping in the backseat and demanded a motel and pretended not to notice how weird it was when Dean always paid in cash. After five days, Castiel realized that Dean had no idea where they were going.

“Dean,” Castiel said as his fiancé sped down a back road that even god didn't know where, “Why are we running? What happened?”

He kept him himself from asking “What did you do?” not wanting to upset Dean any further. He recognized the fragility of the situation, and pushing Dean a certain way wouldn't help. When Dean didn't answer, he had to push again.

“Dammit, Dean, just tell me!” he snapped.

Dean jumped at that and looked over, making it clear that Dean probably hadn't heard him the first time. Castiel had to grab the wheel to keep them from swerving off the road. Once Dean had control over the car again, they were both quiet, thinking about what just happened and how they seemed to do that a lot lately.

“We're heading west,” Dean said after a while.

“Dean, we're going east,” Castiel said with a small smile.

“We are?” he asked, surprised with an asked most childlike innocence to his voice.

“We were originally going west, but you changed that this morning,” he said and tried to remember the last road sign he saw. “Right now, we're in…” he paused a bit and glanced at Dean to see a reaction. “Kansas. Almost outside of Wichita.” Dean’s expression didn't change but he did suddenly became more concentrated on the road. “I know it's where you grew up, and if we keep driving for a few more hours we'll be in Missouri…”

“No, no, we can stop,” Dean said. “Get off the road for a bit, stay at a motel, grab something to eat…”

“We could get something at a store,” Castiel mused. “Neither of us have eaten anything healthy since we started this trip.”

“Trip” being what Castiel decided to call it in hopes that they would still be going back home, the likelihood of which decreased each day.

“You’re starting to sound like Sam,” Dean said with a glance toward Castiel. “You better stop if you wanna share a bed tonight.”

Castiel snorted at that. “You'll sleep on the floor.”

That almost made Dean shiver in disgust.

“Do you know what happens on those floors? They're all filthy and they never clean them…”

The two spent the next few days in Wichita until Dean decided that it time to move again. Instead of wandering, Dean had a seemed to have a set goal in mind.

\---

“Dean?” Castiel asked suddenly feeling tired.

“Yeah, Cas?” Dean made a brief glance over, sensing that something was off.

“Can we stop for the night?”

Dean looked over with a worried glance.

“Sure, Cas.”

Castiel missed the days Dean called him baby.

\---

They stayed in town for a few days and at night, Castiel noticed Dean slipping out. He rolled over and didn't say a word about it the next morning. After a few nights of that, Castiel got used to it and easily slept through it. While Castiel stayed in bed, Dean would go out to get them something to eat. How Dean got any time to sleep at all was a mystery to him, but Castiel knew Dean was used to that kind of life.

Long hours on the road wore Dean down a bit, allowing Castiel to pick his mind. He learned a few more things about him, and Dean’s mannerisms made more sense now that he's able to observe them and where they come from. A lot of things, like Dean checking to make sure the windows and doors were locked each night, or how he got agitated when he realized they had eaten the rest of something without him knowing first, Castiel thought it was just because he was used to playing a parental role in an unsafe environment. Each time they heard a siren in the distance, Dean would flinch and suddenly become tense. Going out in public meant that Dean's shoulders became tense and he'd quickly try to sort out their surroundings into what was safe and what was a potential threat.

It was easy for Castiel to pretend that this was just a small vacation. He called into work and took time off, which hadn't been an easy thing to do, but for Dean he was willing to. Everything was so peaceful, and now that they were relatively stable in one place, it was easier to believe things would go back to normal.

There was a pounding at the door and the first thing Castiel noticed was that Dean wasn't there. He quickly scrambled to his feet and did a sweep of the room to make sure that everything was in place before he opened the door. A quick glance out the window confirmed that the impala was gone. There was a team of armed officers at the door, and Castiel was quickly shoved aside. One by one, the officers swarmed the room, searching for something.

 _Traces of Dean,_ his mind helplessly supplied.

He didn't fight when the officers cuffed him, knowing from experience that any attempt at resistance would be seen in the harshest light. Despite their efforts, they wouldn't find anything. Dean would have taken everything with him and covered his tracks, whether this was intentional or not.

During his ride to the police station where he knew he would be questioned, Castiel searched for any signs of Dean. He didn't find anything. Castiel was quickly processed and locked in a room, heavy cuffs still around his wrists. Everything was hushed, and the lack of information he was getting told Castiel what he needed to know. Somehow, someone found out about Dean. They finally figured out who he is and caught wind of where he's staying.

Did Dean leave him there? Did he know that he had been found out and leave Castiel behind? That didn't seem like something he would do, but there were a lot of things he didn't know.

Two hours of isolation didn't give him any hope. Dean was in the wind, and Castiel was stuck in the Midwest, his career surely over if they found any proof that he knew about Dean’s hobbies.

Vaguely he wondered when his life became so revolved around Dean.

Soul mates tended to become close and quickly attached, but this wasn't a normal bond. Dean was a serial killer, and Castiel had accepted it easily and handed information over to him withour hesitation. He'd be lucky if he got away from this without any criminal charges. When a man in a neatly pressed suit finally entered the room, Castiel knew what he was going do to. He had to give up Dean.


End file.
